Dwelling on the Past vs. Healthy Grieving
You can grieve parts of the past while also facing forward. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Consider your life like a book. There’s a difference between looking at previous chapters in order to reflect upon and improve your understanding of the story, and not progressing into the next chapters at all. Healthy grieving is like revisiting previous sections of a book. Even though it’s difficult, exposing yourself to them opens the door for growth. Never flipping back to sad or painful sections, or avoiding reflecting upon them, is a way of pushing it from reality.
I was numbly moving through each day, without much, if any, peace within me
Not long ago, I began learning this lesson. Having recently moved from my home state of Virginia, though I left a lot behind there, I carried a heavy weight of unprocessed thoughts and emotions with me. I left an environment where, in hindsight, I realized that I was feeling suppressed. I was numbly moving through each day, without much, if any, peace within me. I was blind to it while in the middle, but, I always knew I didn’t feel like myself. Not until I was in a new environment did I realize I didn’t recognize myself anymore. That’s when my grieving began.
Despite the way I felt, choosing to leave it all behind had been hard. I lived in Virginia for most of my life and nearly all my family lives there. Some of them didn’t take my departure well. That had made it more painful to remain steadfast in the decision to live out of my home state. Even so, I knew in my heart that this was the right thing to do. I traveled with emotional baggage to my new home, because it felt like a safe space to unpack all of it at my own pace.
when the high of positivity wears off, the buried reality of stuffed heavy feelings rises
During the “unpacking” process, I’ve learned many things about myself. One unhealthy pattern brought to my awareness is that when things feel like smooth-sailing in my life, I have a tendency to only face the future. Unfortunately, this behavior has the tendency to lock heavy feelings away so as not to depress me. This pattern inevitably fails, because when the high of positivity wears off, the buried reality of stuffed heavy feelings rises, begging to be acknowledged.
My second tendency is to feel guilty for ever shoving it aside. I then attempt to rescue myself by turning all my attention to the past feeling that caused the burden, preventing me from enjoying the present. I overcompensate by becoming fixated on the problem.
In both cases I’m trying to help myself one way or another, yet making the same mistake every time: I focus on one aspect of my life and practically disregard the others. Because of this, I never feel whole. It’s a habit I continue to struggle with, but recognizing it is the first step. Since working work on it, I’ve felt more peace than I have in a long time.
So, reality provides the capability to live in truth. Truth augments peace, and peace comes from God.
Living in reality lets a healthy grieving process occur. Grieving means accepting difficult areas in your life and allows for applying their lessons in the present. So, reality provides the capability to live in truth. Truth augments peace, and peace comes from God.
The mindful practice of reality based living is only beneficial if you’re open to all parts of your story. Otherwise, you’re suppressing a larger understanding of your life, and by extension, of yourself. So, ALL parts of your book – past and present – offer some importance, because they all fit together and are integral to you.